I can’t recall the last time that I slept the whole way through the night.
I keep waking, seemingly for no reason, at least twice. Usually once at around 3 and again at daybreak, three hours later. My mind wanders to the most mundane thoughts which give form to mundane dreams. Rest is kept away by little anxieties buzzing around my head, quietly in the background but impossible to ignore. Like flies trapped in the house.
Having a baby does this. I’m told that you never really sleep again. But I wonder too if it’s a product of the years. As we slowly approach our long, endless sleep – is this our minds way of savouring each waking moment? Forcing us into witness, trying to capture each taste of cool night air, see each ray of moonlight. No matter how flavourless or how dim . We stop making sense of need. All things become scarce in the slipping away of time.
The world has stopped turnning. Silent. Still. I am awake in a forbidden moment.